


6 years apart

by stopthismiracle



Category: Chinese Actor RPF, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Established Relationship, Just Xiao Zhan overthinking things, M/M, Nostalgia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26940124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stopthismiracle/pseuds/stopthismiracle
Summary: "I remember you once told me your heart will never change, I thought that was impossible… but now, I'm starting to believe, I believe in us, and it's scary sometimes, and overwhelming"
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan | Sean
Comments: 1
Kudos: 46





	6 years apart

There's something stressing about having a younger lover, it's the pressure to give them the best firsts they can have, this self consciousness comes with age. Relationships are meaningful, more than you can think of when you're barely 20 something. In Xiao Zhan's case he only learned about this, watching his old relationships in retrospect. Now if you ask him he couldn't care less about the small details he used to get mad about when he was younger. He stopped believing in romantic gestures and became a more practical lover, so he didn't get hurt when the inevitable end will come. 

But now it was different, maybe because his whole life changed, maybe because it's been years since his last meaningful relationship. One that lasted more than a month. 

To him falling in love was a choice, but to his lover it wasn't. 

Seeing the other suffer so violently for his love was the wake up call to stop their suffering altogether. The relationship came with another type of pain, the one that came with the need to express their love openly in the early stages, because well, they simply couldn't.

Inexplicably so the other was the one who could hold the pain the best. The one that when the physical distance between them was so big, still found a way to make himself feel close. Maybe it was because Yibo was always so confident in himself, either way, sometimes he was more emotionally mature. On other occasions he behaved like a brat. But then he had to remind himself, Yibo is six years younger than you, and that six years means a world of feelings.

Sometimes he wishes they were the same age just to feel like a 23 year old again. 

But back at the first point, he wanted to make the relationship meaningful in the long term, he worries Yibo would get all the romantic gestures you're supposed to get when you're in love and you're a teen (he knows Yibo is not a teen but it is his first relationship).

The first months were like that, he was preoccupied with sending him small care packages and flowers, gifting him jewelry, being frustrated about not being able to walk hand in hand in the park. Yibo accepted everything of course, always so ready to accept love in any form when it came from his Zhan ge (he also reciprocated the gifts, and sometimes he excelled at being romantic, more than Xiao Zhan was).

Xiao Zhan looked at the TV sighing. Yibo's presentation had long finished and he missed him. He realized he didn't know what time it was but he probably should go to sleep. He found his cellphone on his coffee table and found it uncharged. How long did he spaced out?

He heard his lock go off, signaling someone entering his apartment, the usual sounds when someone took off his shoes. "Hey, you're awake"

"I thought you were going to go to your place". He said standing up to help him with his stuff. 

"Didn't feel like it". Yibo made a motion to wait for him and he ran to the bathroom. Yeah, he forgot, Xiao Zhan chuckled. He waited in his small hall. His apartment was small, he realized. He didn't have time to think about it because soon he was embraced in a fierce hug. "I missed you, you should have been there"

Xiao Zhan laughed, hugging him back. "Missed you too". He kissed his cheek, which led him to start kissing his whole face. He felt like floating, maybe they were both floating. 

"It's late, we should go to bed." 

Xiao Zhan agreed. "You were awesome, I can't stop thinking about it." He pushed Yibo in direction to his bedroom. He took off his shirt and Yibo followed with his own pants. Both were soon in their underwear. 

"I don't want to fuck today." Yibo said, stumbling a little bit in his words. Xiao Zhan looked at him smiling taking his hand. "I want to hold you"

"I was going to say the same." He said kissing his knuckles. They settled in bed, trying to find the most comfortable position. Xiao Zhan was a little bit shocked, how was Yibo here? What time was it again?   
  


He always was shocked when Yibo showed up at his place, because Yibo's was bigger, and had all his Legos and skateboards which he seemed to need to live. They had spent the quarantine together, just a part of it before Yibo had to leave to film, and start another quarantine in a hotel, alone. 

But those days were the best. Being able to stay for days together, knowing that their relationship worked perfectly while living together (one less worry in his heart).

"What are you thinking?" Yibo said in a deep voice. 

Xiao Zhan looked up. "Dumb things"

By this time Yibo knew that dumb things meant worries. They had talked about it a long time ago. When Yibo noticed that Xiao Zhan suddenly didn't look comfortable in his skin. "Usually they aren't dumb, what happened?"

"Just… thinking this is your first big relationship, so I feel always pressured to make everything the best, but sometimes it feels like I don't believe in romance like you do, I used to, when I was younger, now I'm old and my views on romantic relationships had changed since I was in my early 20s, and I feel you could see this as me not being that interested in you…" Xiao Zhan swallowed and then sighed. "I don't know how to show you how much you mean to me." And it scares me, he wanted to add.

"I feel your love, if that's what worries you." Yibo held his hand firmly, pressing a kiss on his hair. "I don't know why you suddenly are doubting yourself, you're more than I've ever thought of, somehow I feel with every trouble that we face our love just grows and I can see that in you. So no need to worry, we're different people after all."

"When did you get so wise? Gouzai, where did the boy that confessed stuttering went?" Xiao Zhan jokes, making the air more light. "I remember you once told me your heart will never change, I thought that was impossible… but now, I'm starting to believe, I believe in us, and it's scary sometimes, and overwhelming"

Yibo smiled and hugged him tighter. "I'm tired" he mumbled, laughing a bit. "I didn't get so tired before…" He sounded sad.

"You always work so hard. My heart almost stopped when you jumped from the platform, it didn't look so high during the rehearsal videos that you sent me". He kissed Yibo's chest. "Your ankle was hurt not long ago, are you ok?" Yibo chuckled. "By the way, did you eat? I forgot to ask"

"Yeah, I ate in the car on my way here." 

Xiao Zhan looked at the clock on his bedside table, it was 5:00 am. "Good, I need to be up in two hours…" He mumbled trying to find the right heat to fall asleep. 

"Do you have an important meeting?"

"No, just… I just have to be there." 

"Ok." Yibo hugged him tighter and then relaxed. 

  
  


The next day when he went back home from the office, Yibo was still there, TV on while he was scrolling through his phone. 

"Hey, I thought you had something today"

"No, I mean I got a business dinner at 9, so I don't have to leave yet." Yibo said following to the bathroom. "You know I was thinking… we should move together". 

"Do I tell my company that I need to find a new place and that Wang Yibo happens to have an available room?" Xiao Zhan answered smiling, this wasn't the first time one of them thought about this.

"It does sound suspicious, right?" Yibo said, scrunching his nose and crossing his arms. He sighed. "I want to spend more time with you, maybe I should move in here" he says, too serious for Xiao Zhan liking.

"You know we can't fit all your stuff in here"

Yibo pouted, and he couldn't help to pinch his cheeks. "I hate this."

"You don't, don't lie" Xiao Zhan knows that even though their relationship was important their careers were almost as important ("I don't have a back up plan, Zhan ge" Yibo had told him once). He took his hand and guided him towards the couch, Yibo sat on his lap, hugging him.

"Just a little bit" Yibo said laughing, "I saw your live"

"Wow, the mighty Wang Yibo has time to watch my life". Xiao Zhan said jokingly, winning a slap on his shoulder as a response. "Be nice."

"It's that why you're suddenly so nostalgic?"

"I'm not nostalgic"

"Ge, I can see it in your face, it's like when we started dating all over again when you couldn't stop thinking about our age difference." Xiao Zhan smiled, caressing Yibo's sides. Yibo caressed his lover's neck, looking in his eyes. "You knew the questions beforehand right?" Xiao Zhan nods, "you had to change your answer, you told me you don't believe in love at first sight".

"Yes I had to, it's a roses company, but what I answered isn't completely untrue" Xiao Zhan kissed Yibo's cheek, then his neck, hiding his face in Yibo's collarbone. He held him tight against him, "you changed my perspective on love at first sight". 

"What?"

"I do really think it's fate that we met, I don't know if I fell in love at first sight, I felt attraction, that's for sure."

"You just wanted to bang me"

"Shut up" Xiao Zhan lifted his head looking right into Yibo's eyes. "I did, but when you told me the way you saw us I realized that I wanted so much more… I still do."

Yibo smiled at him and pressed a long kiss that Xiao Zhan didn't wait to deepen, moving his hands under the younger's shirt, feeling the smooth skin, pushing him closer, going down into his pants and pressing their groins together. Yibo broke the kiss to release a pleasant sigh, moving his hips slowly, teasing Xiao Zhan who took advantage of the exposed neck in front of him. 

"I want you more…" Yibo said before kissing him again. Xiao Zhan smiled in his neck, loving the way their bodies melted against each other. 

  
  
  
  
  


"I think you should spend the night at my place" Yibo said, while fixing his pants. "Tomorrow I'm flying around lunch hour, so I guess we spend the morning together"

Xiao Zhan hummed, he was still undressed laying lazily on his bed. 

"Zhan ge"

"Bo di" He answered with a tired voice, just to annoy the younger one.

"Are you still worrying?" Yibo said, not biting the bait.

"I forgot about it." Xiao Zhan said, feeling how Yibo started to lay himself above him. 

"Yeah, right.” Yibo said sarcastically. “I'm leaving, kiss me?"

"You don't need to ask." He said leaving his phone on the bed, placing his other hand on Yibo's cheek giving him a small peck. "See you at your place"

"Hey!" Yibo tickled him until the older surrender and gave him a proper goodbye kiss.

Xiao Zhan said goodbye from his hallway while Yibo grabbed the bag he brought the day before. He felt the loneliness get on him once the door closed and locked itself. He got dressed and went back to his phone.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Around 10 pm he arrived Yibo's apartment. He dropped his bag at the entrance going barefoot to Yibo's bedroom turning the ac. He sat on the edge of the bed, thinking of the first time he got to be there. It was not long after they had finished filming. Yibo was shaking with anticipation and probably so was he. He had told Yibo while they were filming to wait for them to be Yibo and Xiao Zhan again. So that night, when Yibo had looked at him, the intensity was hard to handle.

He thinks of Yibo that night, above him. How his fingers had shaked when he was trying to prepare him, his first moan when he was inside him, the warmth that spread through his body. Yibo of course was a natural, he moved gracefully inside him but with the uncertainty that comes with the lack of experience. But what was ingrained in his mind was the conversation they had after it, their plans for the future, their dreams and their past, he can tell the story of Yibo training days like if was his own, and Yibo could probably do the same, completing what they both missed during the time they hadn't met yet. That night Xiao Zhan had realized that their lives had tangled so much that it was going to be hard to tear them apart. 

He still thinks the same, he doesn't believe he was incomplete before, but his life has improved so much with Yibo in it. Even in the beggining of the year, when things started to go down, Yibo knew how to support him, he could be himself and not let himself be affected (that much) because at the end of the day Yibo was there for him. Holding him even when they were apart. 

"You came". Yibo was there, in front of him, rosy cheeks from alcohol, eyes tired. "I love you so much". He said, throwing himself above Xiao Zhan, he laughed. 

"Of course we have to be together whenever we're in the same city, my love". Xiao Zhan received him hugging him by the waist. Yibo smiled with his eyes closed, hugging him by the neck. 

"You were so distracted today that I got worried, why are you always so worried Lao Xiao?" Yibo didn't look so drunk anymore, Xiao Zhan looked back at him.

"Aren't you tired of picking me up?" Xiao Zhan said. "I feel like I'm being lazy in our relationship"

"That's not true, you're always here for me."

"But you do do much more than I do". Something in Yibo broke when Xiao Zhan pronounced those words. His eyes filled with tears quickly. "Remember when you told me to look at you like we were the same age and I did, for the longest time I forgot, but I didn't mean to end up not taking care of you, like you do with me."

Yibo's eyes shaked. " I don't know why you think like that"

"When I was at my lowest, you held me and pushed me up, but I didn't realize until now how unfair that was for you, how much you had to suffer." Xiao Zhan said, caressing his cheek, cleaning the tear that dared to escape from Yibo's eyes. "I want us to be equal."

"I don't…my biggest pain was that when you stopped smiling, I… only did what I could to see you smile again." 

"And I thank you for that, I would always be grateful for everything that you do to me, but I haven't been taking care of you" Xiao Zhan kissed his temple. "Let me take care of you, Yibo. Let me be better for you."

Yibo kissed his knuckles, the other hand remained in his cheek. "Don't feel guilty because of that, you weren't in the best place to take care of us, the balance tilted a little bit to my side, but it was temporary… now things are different, we're back on track." 

Xiao Zhan hugged him tight against his chest, murmuring sweet words in his ear. He didn't realize he was crying, Yibo cleared his tears, while he was also doing the same. Both giggled.

"Look at us, bunch of softies."

"Does it get worse with age?" Yibo asked, eyebrows tilted giving him some sort of naive look.

"Yeah… you stop feeling with the same intensity but it gets replaced with the ability to cry with the smallest amount of sadness." Xiao Zhan replied looking serious, then broke laughing. " I don't know, it depends on every person."

"Mmm, I guess I'll be like that, after all I spend too much time with you" Yibo jokes, placing a hand in Xiao Zhan’s ribs, tickling him lightly. 

"Too much?" Xiao Zhan answered, incredulous. They both knew the amount of time they spent together was so much smaller than normal couples, they were used to it, thought. 

"Maybe too little?" Yibo laughed out loud, he rolled on the bed leaving a space between them. "Are you coming to Shanghai this weekend with me?"

"Yes. I got you something by the way. I got too caught up thinking of our first time that I forgot." 

"Our first time?" He asked with his eyes shining, Xiao Zhan just nodded. "What is it?" Yibo asked excitedly. 

Xiao Zhan stands looking for his bag going back to the dining area. Yibo followed him quietly, stopping right behind the older man to back hug him. Xiao Zhan smiled in the hug, knowing that Yibo was probably pouting. Xiao Zhan took out a little pouch from his bag, and placed it on one of Yibo's hand. Yibo untangled himself from Xiao Zhan's back, he carefully pulled one of the strings and emptied the content on his hand. A small ring appeared. 

Yibo looked up not really understanding the gift. "Are you asking me to marry you?" He stops for a moment, "again?"

Xiao Zhan laughs his mind going back to the moment when he asked the younger one to marry him, just after the Thailand fanmeeting. "I saw it and I thought it might suit you." He gulps. "I love your hands." I love them wearing the things I give you, he says in his mind.

Yibo placed the ring on his finger looking at it. Xiao Zhan grabbed the hand rotating the ring. 

"You always get me jewelry, are you trying to court me, Zhan ge?"

“Maybe…” He answered laughing. “There’s so many men around you, I want them to know you’re taken.” 

Yibo’s eyes light up at those words. Xiao Zhan knew exactly what his words provoked on the younger one. Yibo threw himself at the older one neck. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, comments and kudos are highly appreciated.
> 
> I don’t write a lot but i still like to scream about cql so hit me up @ twitter @/natodso.


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